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Ximboland Clock

Let's get real. . . mental health

Posts
73
Created
19.02.2016
Author
Lyriiia
HeavenLeighBimbo
Level 129
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 1695448
Reputation: 258695
Posts: 7188
Freethinkerland
29.03.2016 18:50:03
HeavenLeighBimbo

Becoming a Homewreaker, I don't think can happen because it was just sex.  Knowing the man and wife for 3 years, and letting them know the real me, during that time, changes things a lot.  They both know a little bit about my past career, and so when I dressed and became his performer he noticed a complete change into my stage personality.  He knew I was just acting a part for him, just for fun.  I know he didn't read any true feelings from me for him.  He just lucked into a true to life real porn movie, without the cameras.  One I made personally just for him to enjoy, me to have some exercising play time, and satisfy my own curiosity too.
 
   No man should ever even dare fall in love with me, because of a learned detachment I have to the sexual act, outside of marriage.
( This would be an interesting mental issue for me to explore too.)
  I never cheated on my husband, so it was a bit of a conquest for me for it to happen with so little effort with a devotedly married man.
  He has every reason to avoid me without his wife as a chaperon, but the fun is just beginning, and it will be interesting to see how Jose will react next.
  My bet is on him keeping things very secret, so as not to ruin a perfect sexual situation for a man.  I take my sex games very seriously when I play with men so people don't get hurt. He is the one who must live with his lies to his wife, or tell her the truth, or invite her along. He was a safe man for me to have a one night stand with because what ever happens is totally at the mans expense. Being married actually is an attractive quality in a man, to/for me. 

   Me I'm hoping for the last choice, because I want Maria to see me naked too. She is a admirer of my body, clothes and swimsuit's, and I think it would be very fun to share my whole body with her in a sensual way. She watches my every move, right now when ever I'm in sight. So .....  Will Jose ask her to share me ?
 I hope so, because I really love her personality, and I think she is the perfect wife. I would love to spend a lot of time with her around the house. That is more meaningful than sex to me, and would cause me to have an emotional attachment for her.  That's what has already been going on in my heart for her for the last 3 years.  It might have been selfishly motivated for me to seduce her husband like that just in the 'off-chance' she might like a playful playmate too this summer.  It's not something I could have approached her about personally because we don't speak the same language, and all our interactions are her 'watching me, and being a shadow/servant. She tends to me unnecessarily, even at my own house.  It is her culture and nature, and the way she shows appreciation to me. A reverence she seems to only give to her husband and I.   It is the strangest thing in my life to be so drawn to her, magnetically.  She is very special to me already, and Jose knows this. !!!  I totally wonder what they talk about, after a visit with me.
   
    Sexing up her husband is totally mental !@!!==  Very exciting and adds flavor to life to take such a gamble with a man's lustful mind at no cost to me.
  
  
      

29.03.2016 18:50:03
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Lyriiia
Level 19
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 4989
Reputation: 2062
Posts: 123
Atheista
03.04.2016 14:13:47
Lyriiia

@Trina
 
I relate very much to your story, and I don't think it was too long. I too grew up around domestic violence. I think my biggest saving grace was having older siblings. My sister told us from a young age that what we were experiencing wasn't normal and we shouldnt' think it was okay. My brother was always there, I didn't make a mental retreat so to speak because my safe place was with my brother.
I have a hard time figuring out all the ways its effected me in part I think because the "survival mode" I gained from those experiencing just kind of shuts most things off and I just push forward. I can analyze pretty well where issues related to my psychologically abusive marriage but I have a very hard time going back further than that to find the roots in childhood. Honestly I don't remember much of my childhood, which scares me because I definitely have bad memories - if I remember those things what the hell could be so bad that I've blocked so much out? I like to hope that the worst memories just made the biggest impressions and that's what I remember, as opposed to there being more terrible things I don't know about consciously. 
I too eventually developed a self harm problem. I snapped out of it the moment I realized I absolutely had to leave my husband and I would have to fight a custody battle in court. I haven't done it for over six months since that moment.
I too get anxious over-analyzing peoples perceptions of me. 

Your mention of a fantasy world intrigues me because I know multiple people with disassociative disorders. What do you mean when you say fantasy world?

03.04.2016 14:13:47
Love and light, sweet dreams and safe adventures.
Trina Jameson
Level 21
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 7658
Reputation: 5473
Posts: 651
Secville
03.04.2016 15:00:55
Trina Jameson

My fantasy world was in things related with films, tv, music and books. When something bad was happening I would just put my music loud and pretend nothing was going on and that I was this really happy person. I was always creating fantasies in my mind over people I idolized -I know teens do this but I would do it 24hrs. There was a time when I was around 15-16 that one of those fantasies consisted on a singer appearing out of the blue telling me that she was my mother and I was actually adopted. I began writing and creating stories to escape reality so when something hurt me, in my mind I would just think about the book I was writing, pretend nothing was happening.
When I was at school I was super happy like nothing was going on and like I had  perfect life. When I got home I felt bad because I felt like I was acting in a play. Not that I was hypocrite but I was simply hiding a part of me. With time, I did it without thinking. I just realized what I was doing when I was in silence and it all came back at me.
I also feel like I was on survival mode all the time. I find interesting what you said because although I know what happened in my past I don't have some image memories of most things. I have memories before the worst things were about to happen and then...blank. My childhood and teen years are a huge blur, specially when it comes to being at home with my family. I barely remember anything, it's all to foggy and hard to remember. 
What happens now is that when I'm like-what I am right now- I feel weird writing/talking about these things because it's like it never happened? Like it wasn't with me but with somebody else? But when I get down for whatever reason-for the tiniest thing- is like everything is happening again and it all comes back at me.


03.04.2016 15:00:55
"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." - Emily Brontë

Lyriiia
Level 19
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 4989
Reputation: 2062
Posts: 123
Atheista
03.04.2016 15:06:22
Lyriiia

That feelings of it not being real, or that it happened to someone else, the blacking out just before the worst of it hits, the mental fantasizing, are all parts of disassociation.
Just curious, do you feel like you have a mental "safe place" at all still. Somewhere you imagine yourself to be while things are happening. While you're dong this you might still be going about your day but in a sort of detached way, the memories of those times of the day might also mimic that unreal or it was someone else doing it feeling?
 

03.04.2016 15:06:22
Love and light, sweet dreams and safe adventures.
lillyfee
Level 163
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 3428953
Reputation: 394206
Posts: 7429
Freethinkerland
03.04.2016 15:20:31
lillyfee

the safe place in yourself!
Find it!*
I was suffering TINNITUS- and when i went to sleep
it was a hard time, because all my thinking was obsessed with that noise1
So i started to think about a story- and that thinking arduos- it became more arduos than the TINNITUS
because i wanted to overcome, wanted to dream my sweet dream.
So i fantasized about driving to our airport, did some shopping, sat down for a coffee
waiting the plane to leave to Mamma Greece and the beautiful blue and warm mediterranean sea.

And i felt asleep just before i entered the plane. My TINNITUS has not disappeared completely
but vanished more and more into the backround, other things, thoughts and feelings are more important for me
I imagine that this can help you too- to dream your dream, to think your thoughts, to feel your feelings
because the safe place is inside you- it is the heart, your middle between body and spirit!


03.04.2016 15:20:31
Trina Jameson
Level 21
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 7658
Reputation: 5473
Posts: 651
Secville
03.04.2016 15:26:24
Trina Jameson

Right now I'm feeling detached to everything, to be honest. When I feel bad and when I write poetry that's when I know it happened to me, and I put it all out in writing. When it's over I'm all good again. Just like when I have cry attacks and when I'm done, I find myself thinking "What was this all about? I'm over it". My image memories are usually flashes or it's like I'm watching myself going trough it.
I have a safe place, I lived in NY for a  year, So, now whenever I feel like I don't like something. I shut out and imagine I'm still there, doing the things I love. That helps me to relax. Other times, when I'm stressed and my heart is pumping hard, it's like I'm in a dream. I feel light, my heart beats fast, I lose my track on time etc. I also tend to get on automatic mode. So, it's like I'm doing everything I should but I don't even know why. Like I can't control me? I'm just watching me.

03.04.2016 15:26:24
"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." - Emily Brontë

Lyriiia
Level 19
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 4989
Reputation: 2062
Posts: 123
Atheista
03.04.2016 18:08:51
Lyriiia

Do you ever do things that seem very unlike you during the times you don't feel like you're the one in the drivers seat of your body?

03.04.2016 18:08:51
Love and light, sweet dreams and safe adventures.
Trina Jameson
Level 21
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 7658
Reputation: 5473
Posts: 651
Secville
03.04.2016 18:22:29
Trina Jameson

No, not really. I just usually act more quickly instead of overthinking. I'm usually more confident in myself and don't care about what might happen because it will end soon and everything will be ok. The only difference is, that maybe, I have less empathy so I can deal with things-specially when I need to emotionally help another. But I don't do anything odd and people don't notice any change. 

03.04.2016 18:22:29
"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." - Emily Brontë

HeavenLeighBimbo
Level 129
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 1695448
Reputation: 258695
Posts: 7188
Freethinkerland
03.04.2016 23:34:07
HeavenLeighBimbo

Lyriiia
Lyriiia Wrote : Do you ever do things that seem very unlike you during the times you don't feel like you're the one in the drivers seat of your body? 

HeavenLeigh Writes:
 The first post on this page, was one of those events for me. Sex can cause a multiple personally to emerge in me. Drugs and alcohol can also do it, depending on the situation.  Even times of day, can affect me.   My personalities I'm told are fun though, so I don't consider it a problem.  I'm aware of what I'm doing but often I feel like I'm just watching a movie.  Riding my racing motorcycle is one of those time's when I just let an instinct take over my body, and I'm just along for the ride. ( I raced a Corvette today, to 230KPH, that's madness.)

Sex on the other hand is the personality that does scare me a little. I usually try to avoid sex with men for this reason. I begin to act, and this can lead to bad situations because I will take risks and say things I regret later.
 It doesn't happen with women. So I try to avoid having meaningful relationships with men.  

  How my husband ever put up with his nympho-dancer, I'll never understand. Being married and in love kept my mental focus on just him no matter where I was with my eyes closed. (my safe place)


03.04.2016 23:34:07
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Trina Jameson
Level 21
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 7658
Reputation: 5473
Posts: 651
Secville
04.04.2016 20:08:48
Trina Jameson

Do you feel like you might have different personalities? 
Or different sides of yourself that show according to mood or occasions? 

04.04.2016 20:08:48
"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." - Emily Brontë

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Where is MissBimbo.com? Miss Bimbo was much better than this site.
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