***DUE TO THIS BEING A LIVE BROADCAST, AND JADE NOT HAVING THE MOST APPROPRIATE LANGUAGE FOR TELEVISION, SOME HEAVY CENSORING HAD TO BE DONE. JADE, YOU HAVE OVERWORKED THE CREW A LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH, BUT I’M SURE THEY STILL LOVE YOU… KIND OF***
What?!! Did you just say a cooking challenge?!! Fu**, why couldn’t it be a tatt challenge?!!! I mean, I wouldn’t want me in a kitchen with a knife, unless it’s for a knife fight. I’m better off with a tatt gun and ink than a bowl and a spatula. *REMOVES A FLASK HIDDEN UNDER HER SKIRT, TAKES A SWIG, AND HIDES IT AGAIN* BUT a challenge is a challenge, so FU** IT!
No, I’m not going to wear that damn frilly cutesy thing over my clothes and I certainly am not wearing that frou frou contraption on my head. I need an apron before I cook? *ONCE AGAIN, GRABS THE FLASK, TAKES A LONG SWIG, AND SLAMS THE FLASK ON THE NEAREST TABLE* FINE!! I get to choose what I wear and the place I cook at. We agree? Good, we can get started once we go to the bar. What did you say? There’s no way I can cook at a bar? How little you know of the amazing kitchens that some bars hide in the back. I don’t want to hear anymore, let’s get going, before this buzz disappears.
*AT LOCATION, IN A TRENDY BAR WITH A KITCHEN*
*CAMERAS ARE ROLLING…..ACTION!!*
Brittany, I picked this recipe because it reminded me of you. Well, not only because it reminded me of you, but it has fu**ing whiskey in it, and you can’t go wrong with a recipe that calls for alcohol. Today lady and gents , I will attempt to make for you a Honey Whiskey Bundt Cake. And its drenched in HONEY WHISKEY BUTTER GLAZE!! WHISKEY in the INside, WHISKEY on the OUTside, this has to be the best cake to make! Or is it the best cake to bake? Whichever it is, I will attempt to make it. *WHISPERING FROM DIRECTOR* What? Why do I keep on saying attempt? I already explained to you why, I guess I’ll have to show you why, but first, let’s display all the ingredients needed to make this glorious bit**, I mean confection.
*DISPLAYED ON SCREEN*
For the cake:
¾ cup (150 g) sugar 6 Tbs (85 g) unsalted butter at room temperature, plus more for buttering pan 2 large eggs 2 cups less 1 Tbs (250 g) flour 1 ½ tsps baking powder (by error I also added ½ tsp baking soda and it was fine) ½ tsp salt ¼ cup (60 ml) good quality liquid/runny honey 2/3 cup (155 ml) milk at room temperature 1/3 cup (80 ml) whiskey, bourbon or amber rum ¾ cup (about 90 g) chopped pecans (I used about ½ cup or less than 50 g)For the syrup/glaze:
¼ cup (60 g) unsalted butter 2 Tbs water ¼ cup (60 ml) good quality liquid/runny honey ¼ cup (50 g) sugar ¼ cup (60 ml) whiskey, bourbon or amber rum*DISPLAYED ON SCREEEN STAYS ON FOR A MINUTE*
*CAMERA ROLLS BACK TO JADE*
We’ve got some tools her that we are going to need to use. A pastry brush, but looks like a paint brush to me, a bundt pan… whats the hole for? Nevermind. I also have several bowls, measuring cups, a whisk to beat the crap out of the ingredients, a toothpick… what the fu** is this for, to clean my teeth? A scoop, but I don’t see any ice cream anywhere, a pot, pan, and foil. Where the fu** is the fire extinguisher? That’s the most important one to have, but oh well, not my problem if my cake doesn’t turn out quite right.
*SIGHS DEEPLY, ROLLS EYES, GRABS A BOTTLE FROM THE BAR, CHUGS IT DOWN, AND CONTINUES*
Ok, so I’ve been told they preheated the oven to 350 degrees for me, whatever that means, it’s the first step, and it’s done. I need to brush this bundt pan, so lets do that. Painting is easy, butter is my paint. *BRUSHES BUTTER ON BUNDT PAN*. OHHHHH, we get to sprinkle some pecans on the bottom of this bit**! THOSE NUTS ARE SWEET!!! Ok, this isn’t so bad, or maybe it’s the whiskey talking. Fu** it, let’s make this cake! Bake? Make? Whatever, as long as I have a cake.
*DIRECTOR REMINDS JADE TO WATCH HER LANGUAGE*
Next, we need to combine some sh** together, I mean combine flour, baking powder, and salt in one of the bowls. *PICKS A BOWL, PLOPS ALL THE INGREDIENTS TOGETHER, AND MIXES THEM, MAKING A MESS* SH**, it went everywhere, oh well, we should have enough. That’s done, let’s combine the next sh**, I mean ingredients. OHHHH, WHISKEY, HELL YA!!!! *GRABS A MEASURING CUP* We get to mix milk , bourbon, and honey in here. Oh sh**, I got honey on myself. It’s sticky as FUUUU**! *STOPS, LOOKS IN ANOTHER DIRECTION, LOOKS BACK AT CAMERA* I mean, is sticky as …. Well, it’s sticky.
*CAMERA PANS TO INGREDIENTS AND BACK TO JADE*
What the f.. I mean what the hell, another bowl I need to use? Alright, butter and sh**, I mean butter and sugar go in here and we cream and smash them. Cream and smash them…. *JADE SMILES, MOANS, AND LICKS HER LIPS* Sounds good about now, I mean let’s get this together real good!
Alright, add in the eggs, and we beat them I’ll beat them, I’ll whip them, whip them real good!
What? Do it one a time, FU** that, I have a time saver, we are putting them all in at once! *STARTS CRACKING EGGS* GOD DAMN IT!!! I don’t think the shell was suppose to go in there, but none the wiser, it’ll add crunch. Add half of the flour and half of the liquid mixuture and beat well. Naw, TIME SAVER!!! *JADE ADDS ALL OF THE FLOUR AND LIQUID MIXTURE* Ready for a beating?!! *JADE BEATS THE MIXTURE SO FERIOUSLY, BATTER SPLATTERS EVERYWHERE* Needs some more whiskey. *JADE GRABS HER FLASK, TAKES A SWIG, AND POURS THE REST INTO THE BATTER* MMMMMMM!!! YOU CAN SMELL THAT WHISKEY! Now, the batter is ready to be put in with those pecans. THOSE NUTS ARE SWEET!! Scoop the batter in? Naw, it’s going to take too long, I’m just pouring that bit** in!!! *JADE POURS THE BATTER IN THE BUNDT PAN, DRIPPING IT EVERYWHERE* Next, it goes into the oven for… WHAT THE FU**?!!! Thirty to forty minutes?!!! NO WAY, I'm not waiting that long for a fu**ing cake!! *CAMERAS PAN TO THE KITCHEN AREA OF THE BAR, WHERE JADE IS FUMBLING WITH DIALS* 350 degrees……. If I put it at 550 degrees for 10- 20 minutes, that should cook the same! TIMER SAVER!! *JADE PUTS THE CAKE IN THE OVEN, AND SLAMS THE OVEN DOOR*
*THERE IS A PAUSE FROM THE SHOW’S SPONSORS, THEN THE SHOW RESUMES*
Ok, so everyone was a bit worried about me making the glaze, so it’s been already prepared and I’m suppose to just tell you what to do…. but first, this needs more whiskey. *JADE GRABS A BOTTLE FROM THE BAR, TAKES A SWIG, POURS SOME INTO THE GLAZE, AND PUTS THE BOTTLE BACK* Oh, what, it can have rum also? *JADE PROCEEDS TO DO THE SAME WITH THE RUM, GRABS, SWIG, POUR, BACK* Oh sh**, or bourbon?!! *WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HERE, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE WHISKEY AND RUM, HAPPENED TO THE BOURBON* WHAT THE FU** IS THAT SMELL? SMELLS SMOKY AS FU** IN HERE!!!
*SMOKE RISES INTO THE BAR AREA, FROM THE BACK. THE CREW IS SEEN RUNNING OPENING WINDOWS, DASHING TO THE BACK AREA WHERE THE STOVE IS, WITH SEVERAL FIRE EXTINGUISHERS AT HAND. THERE IS A INTERMISSION, THEN THE CAMERAS ARE BACK ONTO JADE.*
No surprise, I did say attempt to make a fu**ing cake, I didn’t say I would make one. What the fu** is this tape for? Do not cross… CRIME SCENE?!! I didn’t murder a god damn person, I burnt a fu**ing cake for fu**s sake!!!
*JADE RETREATS BEHIND THE BAR AND BEGINS GRABBING BOTTLES*
I fu**ing suck at cooking, but I reassure you that my tatts are kick ass!! Come see me for some tatts, but don’t ever fu**ing ask me to ever cook again!
Hail posers! In order to make "The Mead Of Poetry" I'm here in Hel, home of Hela Queen of the Dead. I chase the spirit of old wise Kvasir who was made from the spit of the Gods, got his blood and mixed it wit honey as it is written in an old dwarven recipe. So I rise my cup, SKOL!
(traffic noise, cars honking, people screaming)
Benvenuti a Roma! I need to tell you the truth. Nobody can prepare tiramisù like my mamma, but we will try. We are going to need300 g savoiardi ladyfingers
500 g mascarpone
4 medium eggs
100 g sugar
300 g espresso
2 tablespoons of Marsala
unsweetened cocoa powder
First of all, make the coffee. Now add 2 tbs of rum or Marsala wine then set aside and let it cool. Separate egg whites from yolks and remember that in order to whip the egg whites pretty stiff there should not be any trace of yolk.
Take a bowl and whip the egg whites until stiff. When ready, set aside.
Now in another bowl (or the clean same one) whisk the egg yolks with the sugar until pale and smooth, 3 to 5 minutes. When ready add mascarpone cheese.
Whisk the cream slowly with the electric mixer. Now add stiffen egg whites. Mix with a wooden spoon, from bottom to top. Mix slowly until it’s smooth and creamy.
Now dip quickly Savoiardi Ladyfingers into the coffee. IMPORTANT! Cookies should not engage too much coffee, otherwise your Tiramisu will turn out too soggy. Then place them in a ceramic or glass cooking pan.
Spread the mascarpone cream on top of the Savoiardi. Add another layer of Savoiardi and then cover with more mascarpone cream. Finally sprinkle with cocoa powder. Let rest 3 hours in the refrigerator before serving.
Countess, if it has liquor in it, I'll take several cups of your delicious dessert!!
devildiana wrote:Hail posers! In order to make "The Mead Of Poetry" I'm here in Hel, home of Hela Queen of the Dead. I chase the spirit of old wise Kvasir who was made from the spit of the Gods, got his blood and mixed it wit honey as it is written in an old dwarven recipe. So I rise my cup, SKOL!
Well, dear Lady, as you swear as a berseker, I will share the Mead of Poetry with you, Skol!
Bambeano wrote:Countess, if it has liquor in it, I'll take several cups of your delicious dessert!!
devildiana wrote:Hail posers! In order to make "The Mead Of Poetry" I'm here in Hel, home of Hela Queen of the Dead. I chase the spirit of old wise Kvasir who was made from the spit of the Gods, got his blood and mixed it wit honey as it is written in an old dwarven recipe. So I rise my cup, SKOL!
What is Ximbo land ?
The Internet republic of Ximbo lands is the worlds first Internet republic.
What is its mission?
To unite the world.
Where is MissBimbo.com? Miss Bimbo was much better than this site.
The Internet republic of Ximbo land was created by Miss Bimbo herself and is its more
intelligent successor. The old site was for junior bimbos. This site is for intelligent Ximbos.
What is the national flag of Ximbo land?
When was the Internet republic of Ximbo land
founded
2007
What is the capital city of the Internet republic of
Ximbo land?
Bimbo City
How many states make up the internet republic of
Ximbo land?
There are 6 states that make up the internet republic of Ximbo lands. They are
Atheistia, Freethinkerland, Reasonopia, Agnostica, Secville, and Antitheocra. Bimbo City is the neutral administrative
capital and is its own city zone. Boob Island is the home of the President of the Internet republic of Ximbo land
What is a Ximbo citizen?
A ‘Ximbo’ or ‘Ximbo citizen’ is a member of the internet republic of Ximbolands
community.
How can I become a Ximbo citizen?
In order to become a citizen of Ximboland you must first pass the Ximbolands citizens
test. It is free to become a Ximbo citizen.
What is a Ximbo senator?
A Ximbo senator is a senior member of the Internet republic of Ximbo land. Only senators
are eligible to put themselves forward for election to become State Ministers and then ultimately the Prime
Ximbo.
Who is the Prime Ximbo?
The Prime Ximbo is the democratically elected head of the Internet republic of Ximbo
land.
Where does the Prime Ximbo live?
The Prime Ximbo lives in the Pink House for the 4 month term they are in office.
I want to become Prime Ximbo. How do I do
that?
Any Ximbo citizen can become Prime Ximbo using the democratic process. Its a 3 stage
process from Senator>State Minister> Prime Ximbo. All Ximbo citizens can vote in general elections but in order to
put themselves forward to become Prime Ximbo they must first become a Ximbo senator. All Ximbo senators are
electable as state ministers. State Minister elections take place every 4 months also. Only state ministers are eligible
to then become the Prime Ximbo.
Can I become Prime Ximbo more than once?
Yes a Ximbo can hold the position of Prime Ximbo for 3 terms max.
How often do elections take place?
The Internet republic of Ximbolands holds elections every 4 months for Prime Ximbo and 4
months for State Minister.
Where do important discussions take place?
The Forum.
What is the treasury/Prime Ximbos salary?
The treasury/salary is the bank account of the Internet republic of Ximbo land. This figure
is transferred to the paypal account of the Prime Ximbo at the end of their 4 month term in charge.
How is the treasury calculated?
The treasury is funded by the Ximbo citizens.
A percentage of the money paid by Ximbo citizens via Paypal and SMS is transferred into the Ximbo treasury.
The rest is wisely used for further game development.
What's the national colour of Ximbo land?
Pink
How old must I be in order to become a Ximbo land
citizen?
Anyone over the age of 18 are welcome to become a Ximbo citizen.
When are the national holidays of Ximbo
land?
Jan 1st New years day
Feb 12th Darwin day
Feb 14th Lovers day
March 8th Womens day
March 21st Spring solstice
April 13th The Hitchslap Day (Christopher Hitchens birthday)
May 3rd National day of reason
June 21st World Humanist Day
Aug 2nd The Internet republic of Ximbo land national day
Sep 21st Peace one day
Dec 25th Newtons birthday
What is the currency of Ximbo land?
The Ximbo Dollar (B$). Currently it is pegged in value to the US$
Who is the President of Ximbo land?
Miss Bimbo is the president of Ximbo land. She founded the bimbo nation in 2007 after
escaping the tyranny, bigotry and and conservatism of the old world. You can read more about her here
and here