How do I make friends (in real)?

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How do I make friends (in real)?

Category
Haute Coffee Shop

Posts
12

Created
01.08.2018

Author
PlatinumLoreigh

PlatinumLoreigh

Level 29
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6 0

01.08.2018 20:31:07
PlatinumLoreigh

So, I was wondering (since I’m really lonely in real) how I could make a friend (or two, or three, or what ever how many..)

it’s not that I’m socially awkward and I don’t have any diagnoses for some anxiety disorders.. i have been through a lot in my life (will explain later when I’m friends with them, or not!) and I’m 25, but I mostly feel and act like 14 and sometimes I can even feel and act like a 5 year old. It’s not that I’m irresponsible or throw tantrums in the grocery store to get candy, it’s just that I’m emotionally a little different: crying over stupid and small things, angry like a child (ignoring someone in a corner over pretending like there’s nothing wrong, which there obviously is), I’m highly insecure about different parts of me, I need a lot of attention, I feel abandoned very often and I get suspicious and jealous about small things. I also like things a 25 year old would’ve long forget about: dolls, Donald Duck books, sleeping with stuffed animals, riding my scooter, coloring with crayons, sliding down a slide or going to the petting zoo.

I can like ‘adult’ things: reading books, social media and sewing. But I really need a friend who likes me for who I am or even have the same interests. I need someone to calm me down, ‘because there’s nothing wrong with our friendship, but it’s okay to be sad!’ I need to trust someone that they won’t leave for ‘adult’ reasons.

I am loyal though. Which can be a bad thing too, because I won’t leave when you hint me to. And it will break me (again) if you tell me literally!

Can someone please tell me how to find friends?!

01.08.2018 20:31:07

Esuna

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01.08.2018 21:14:39
Esuna

I'm 25 as well and I get what you mean in terms of feeling like you have the hobbies of somebody who is a teenager.

Are you actively trying to reach out to people but are getting shut down, or just not making the moves in order to get closer to people? I've dealt with my own depression, social anxiety and weakened self-esteem, but you have to remember that sometimes shutting down, and being difficult is not the best way to address things. People are not mind-readers, your best bet is to work on your ability to accept criticism and your ability to discuss concerns with people who are your friends/potential friends. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but it's something I've had to address in my own life. Why do I have limited social interaction - the problem was, in fact, myself not breaking down barriers/walls and shutting myself off rather than meeting my friends half way.

The positive light at the end of the tunnel is that there are actually A LOT of people who have interests like you, at all age ranges. I'd encourage you to perhaps check out a fan expo, or comic con as it's not just centered around video games/anime etc, a lot of times its just people who are adults but kids at heart. Look up in your area to see if there are any adult colouring nights/paint nights. Where I live there are also things such as indoor trampoline parks, jungle gyms/obstacle courses etc that adults DO go to lol, in fact, I'm going this Sunday. There are also apps for your phone that can help you find friends based around your interests (I'll have to look up the name) but it's basically tinder for friendships only. Just have faith and be open, there are people just like you - it just takes bridging the gap to get there, which can seem impossible when dealing with lots of insecurity.

01.08.2018 21:14:39

Very busy with school at the moment, so temporary hiatus D:.

Hunni

Level 34
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2 0

02.08.2018 22:03:16
Hunni

I second Esuna. Maybe try find your way into geek circles through local boardgame or roleplaying groups. They tend to be a crowd who understands liking things that are often seen as being "immature" hobbies. Through a local boardgames group I know people in their thirties who collect star wars lego and transformers comics and are proudly enthusiastic about it. Local gaming shops also sometimes have evenings for boardgames, miniature painting and similar hobbies which might be another way to meet some of the right people.

02.08.2018 22:03:16

I visited the patriarchy and all I got was this externalised sense of self worth. And an uncomfortable tshirt.

PlatinumLoreigh

Level 29
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Posts: 179

0 0

03.08.2018 15:06:57
PlatinumLoreigh

I’ll respond soon! Thank you both!

03.08.2018 15:06:57

Esuna

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0 0

03.08.2018 15:43:53
Esuna

Hunni wrote:

I second Esuna. Maybe try find your way into geek circles through local boardgame or roleplaying groups. They tend to be a crowd who understands liking things that are often seen as being "immature" hobbies. Through a local boardgames group I know people in their thirties who collect star wars lego and transformers comics and are proudly enthusiastic about it. Local gaming shops also sometimes have evenings for boardgames, miniature painting and similar hobbies which might be another way to meet some of the right people.

I agree with you Hunni ^ --- board game/card clubs are becoming increasingly popular. Just comparing the people I'm friends with (though they are all nice), my friends that are more from the geek culture/graphic design group are WAY more inclusive/open/and chill in comparison to some of my high school friends. So yes the gaming/techy/art community (all forms) is, for the most part, a great place to find good friends. Another thing also would be communities within Tumblr or similar social sites, even though Tumblr was more popular years ago, I still use it to track my personal fitness journey - and the community for healthy fitness is great/supportive.

03.08.2018 15:43:53

Very busy with school at the moment, so temporary hiatus D:.

PlatinumLoreigh

Level 29
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 18511
Reputation: 8379
Posts: 179

0 0

03.08.2018 19:09:40
PlatinumLoreigh

Esuna wrote:

I'm 25 as well and I get what you mean in terms of feeling like you have the hobbies of somebody who is a teenager.

Are you actively trying to reach out to people but are getting shut down, or just not making the moves in order to get closer to people? I've dealt with my own depression, social anxiety and weakened self-esteem, but you have to remember that sometimes shutting down, and being difficult is not the best way to address things. People are not mind-readers, your best bet is to work on your ability to accept criticism and your ability to discuss concerns with people who are your friends/potential friends. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, but it's something I've had to address in my own life. Why do I have limited social interaction - the problem was, in fact, myself not breaking down barriers/walls and shutting myself off rather than meeting my friends half way.

The positive light at the end of the tunnel is that there are actually A LOT of people who have interests like you, at all age ranges. I'd encourage you to perhaps check out a fan expo, or comic con as it's not just centered around video games/anime etc, a lot of times its just people who are adults but kids at heart. Look up in your area to see if there are any adult colouring nights/paint nights. Where I live there are also things such as indoor trampoline parks, jungle gyms/obstacle courses etc that adults DO go to lol, in fact, I'm going this Sunday. There are also apps for your phone that can help you find friends based around your interests (I'll have to look up the name) but it's basically tinder for friendships only. Just have faith and be open, there are people just like you - it just takes bridging the gap to get there, which can seem impossible when dealing with lots of insecurity.

I do meet a lot of people, but I'm affraid of most people. Not because they look scary or whatever, but everyone can be judgemental about me or to me or against me. I once walked with a group of 4 (incl me) and we were playing PokemonGo (adults.. yes..) and we sat down somewhere to win a gym or something and there came more people. Next day we tried it again and after a while I got tired (we didn't even walk that far, but my feet hurt really fast..) so I walked away while telling them I couldn't go further. They asked me to come with them, but I said no. So on my way home (alone and with no music) I started crying the whole way! Just because I thought they hated me and were now talking behind my back etc. THis was 2 months ago and I start to feel like I need to stop contacting them. But I need them for the pokemons.. :(

I feel really lonely all day. Even when around people.

It's funny you mention the trampoline park and jungle gym, because that's what I would LOVE to do, but I don't dare to go alone.

03.08.2018 19:09:40

PlatinumLoreigh

Level 29
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Posts: 179

0 0

03.08.2018 19:13:37
PlatinumLoreigh

Hunni wrote:

I second Esuna. Maybe try find your way into geek circles through local boardgame or roleplaying groups. They tend to be a crowd who understands liking things that are often seen as being "immature" hobbies. Through a local boardgames group I know people in their thirties who collect star wars lego and transformers comics and are proudly enthusiastic about it. Local gaming shops also sometimes have evenings for boardgames, miniature painting and similar hobbies which might be another way to meet some of the right people.

I LOVE boardgames!!! And no one will ever play them with me..I don't even know groups who play, even though I do know a café specially made for boardgame meeting!

03.08.2018 19:13:37

Sandi Lut

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1 0

03.08.2018 19:32:15
Sandi Lut

People (especially strangers) will always find something to crtitisize you about. But I discovered must of it is just envy. Also if someone has a problem with me for being just me (being genuine) then it mostly is THEIR problem. I just let others judge me, I don't care. I only care about the opinions of my friends and loved ones. They know me, they understand me and they take me for who and what I am.

As for being like a little kid in your interests, I am 45 and I will not ever let my inner child go. My inner child keeps me young, open minded, happy and playful. I'd rather be friends with someone who is childish from time to time then be friends with a boring adult who thinks he/she knows it all and believes the time for playing is over. I too don't like to be around many people, because most people judge you in a second without even trying to get to know you or understand you.

The problem is not you dear Platinum Loreigh, it's the majority of (boring and judgmental) people. Be yourself and don't be afraid to put yourself out there. I amdire your courage and you are a courageous woman for opening up on here. Don't let ignorant people pull you down :)

03.08.2018 19:32:15

Happiness is inside yourself

Hunni

Level 34
Status: Citizen
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Posts: 63

0 0

03.08.2018 23:53:38
Hunni

Insecurity is a hard one, I'm constantly amazed by my friends who seem to be able to go in and out of any situation without every worrying that people didn't like them. It's so easy to get stuck in your head about this stuff though. If you're left with your thoughts long enough you can convince yourself of anything and blow all your worries way out of proportion. Have you considered trying to visit a therapist? It can be expensive but never underestimate the power of having someone to air with stuff to. And as a bonus they're not connected to the rest of your life in any way so it doesn't matter what you say to them.

As for boardgames, try Facebook. Near me there's a weekly board game night organised in via a Facebook group where people just turn up and group together for whichever game they want to play.

03.08.2018 23:53:38

I visited the patriarchy and all I got was this externalised sense of self worth. And an uncomfortable tshirt.

Esuna

Level 46
Status: Citizen
Sex Appeal: 73378
Reputation: 36754
Posts: 585

1 0

04.08.2018 03:12:57
Esuna

PlatinumLoreigh wrote:

I do meet a lot of people, but I'm affraid of most people. Not because they look scary or whatever, but everyone can be judgemental about me or to me or against me. I once walked with a group of 4 (incl me) and we were playing PokemonGo (adults.. yes..) and we sat down somewhere to win a gym or something and there came more people. Next day we tried it again and after a while I got tired (we didn't even walk that far, but my feet hurt really fast..) so I walked away while telling them I couldn't go further. They asked me to come with them, but I said no. So on my way home (alone and with no music) I started crying the whole way! Just because I thought they hated me and were now talking behind my back etc. THis was 2 months ago and I start to feel like I need to stop contacting them. But I need them for the pokemons.. :(

I feel really lonely all day. Even when around people.

It's funny you mention the trampoline park and jungle gym, because that's what I would LOVE to do, but I don't dare to go alone.

I've gone through what you are going through where you are constantly around people but feel so disconnected/lonely at the end of the day as if you are not making connections. I think this is your insecurities coming through. The thing is about social anxiety is that it puts you in this state of mind where you are convinced that you are an inconvenience always to everyone else, and they are saying bad things about you etc or thinking it. The truth is most people are indifferent or don't care - my theory is ... of the total people you have met/encountered/are family/friends etc/EVERYONE - 5% truly love and care about you on a deep level, UNDER 1-2% really dislike you if that (unless someone is toxic then it might be more), leaving probably 46-47% who just like you as a person, and another 46% who are just indifferent because they don't know you at all. But we just hone in on that 1-2% that dislike us and are anxious about the 46% that are indifferent.

If you find this to be a consistent problem in your life then you may need to talk to a therapist. For reference, it took me 4-7 years of depression/feeling inadequate before I broke down and went to therapy. We all are our biggest worst enemy!

04.08.2018 03:12:57

Very busy with school at the moment, so temporary hiatus D:.

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