okay so my mom and i do not have the best relationship, so bad that i have the worst mommy issues. and recently is hasn't been as bad but it been not good.
so the story goes, one day my mom was trying to make me switch rooms in with my brother so she can have the master bedroom and my sister can have her own room (we live in a condo house with 3 rooms one master, two regular & i live with 2 siblings and my mom) and mind you im the only one in the that does what i am supposed to do like school and cleaning up etc. my sister is 20 and my twin
little bit of a background: my sister is going on 21 barely graduated high school, lays in the bed all day when she is not at school. my brother is my twin(16) doesnt go to school not much about him stays in his room playing video games all day
(not bashing them or anything like that)
so back to the story my mom is trying to make me switch rooms with my brother and i will never ever ever share a room with my brother. i don't want any pitty but the guy beat me up no joke hair pulled out, face in the floor this was about this time last year & im over it but there is no waaaay i am sharing a room with him i already know we going to get into a fight and if he puts his hands on me this whole condo goin the fuck up in flames so summing up this part of the story i was being hella disrespectful, she was trying to send me to my grandmas i wasnt going, i was threatening to run away (i tried but she blocked the door) she called my dad told him to come get me (he lives in kentucky and i live in california). she takes my phone. the next day i talked to my dad i told him was going on, i apologized to my mom for being disrespectful and etc.
next couple of days my dad is blowing up her phone talking about ha you didn't even move rooms, your ignorant blah blah blah. and she is getting mad at me and yelling at me for what HE is doing she is mad because i told him that she didnt switch rooms
and she is over it a couple of weeks later my brother does something she gets mad at me and him but mostly me mind you she gets mad at me whenever he does something. and she sends both of us to my grandmas for a week. i come back everything is fine we dont talk untill a couple of days after. when i was at my grandmas house i talked to my dad and told him everything including the fact that my mom wanted to take him to court for backpay, i was so angry during this time but it wasnt out of anger it was because i needed some to talk to and despite the fact my dad being a deadbeat he is always there for me when i need to talk to him or even if it is just for a couple of dollars and even though he isnt a dad i still respect him. some people are just incapable of certain things and i don't blame him because he never had a dad and his mom was never around so he always had different woman taking care of him. and i completely understand that. back to the story she finds out he knows he is no longer going to be paying child support her turned off my phone to save up money for an lawyers. and basically she is mad me of course and he got papers in the mail for all of this. and so im asking for money from her and mind you she owes me money and so im asking her and she is like no your doesnt isnt paying child support so your not getting any money you shoundnt have opened your big mouth i was gonna pay you the money i owe you with the child support (she also had a well paying job ladies and gent) etc. etc. oh and when my brother asked her for 50 dollars yesterday she gave it to him no question.so today i ask for my phone even though it is turned of i still have all my stuff on there and i can still listen to music. she says no your dad doesnt pay me so your not getting your phone oh well i'll give it back when he pays child support.
and so this is what brought me here writing to you guys writing. there is a lot of stuff i need to get off my chest and i have been trying to figure out a way to talk to her without being disrespectful not for her but for me it doesnt make me feel good being mean or spiteful regardless of the situation or that if you couldn't tell from this story and what is not this story fact that she is childish, irresponsible, verbally mentally and emotionally abusive, irrational, arrogant, and just basically a 14 year old trapped in a 40 year body aka 13 going on to 30. and i really want to just run away and let God decide life for me but i need and have a burning desire to just graduate and get the heck out of here and make life easier for me and just take the positive route in on this spiritual path
but despite the fact having my mommy issues has cause me to have the biggest hole in my heart, i may be so happy on the outside i even have very positive thoughts but deep deep deep down the truth is im angry, im sad, im hurt, i feel so alone and unloved. i am a mommys girl witch makes the situation ten times worse, im okay and i know i will be okay i just keep with the positivity. and back the reason im writing this is because i am going to talk to my mom today and i just wanted to pour my heart out to you guys first to make it a little bit easier on me.
the upside to this: is that i can continue on my spiritual growth manifestation, and my heart soul will become lighter and happier
and p.s. you guys just a reminder that no matter what background or childhood you come from you can either choose to let it make you stronger or can let it break you and i promise if choose to let it make you stronger you will be so much happier in the end and feel so good about yourself and be able to say you conquered a demon and didn't let it take your soul and there is so much more benefits to it but that's all i can think of right now.
- Sending you all my love and positive energy. sorry its a lot but thanks for reading you guys!!
☮♡ i was trying to edit this and thumbs it down oooopsies :P
27.03.2016 21:33:21
