My entire life, I've always lived on top of Mountain's and in small town's.
I was actually born, in Salt Lake City Utah USA, but didn't even live there. My biological father died, holding the baby infant, ME..... and a wild adventure began....... I'm not even sure who I am, because I have 4 legal birth certificate's. I was a baby, so I'm not sure which one is even correct, but all 4 are original document's with State Seal's, Stamped, on them. I currently use the one, my parent's said is my offical record of Birth. But can I be Certain I am Who I AM by name? NO.
My childhood was a total MESS. I cant even believe my own birth certificate is accurate..... but since I only use one, as my legal name all my life, it doesn't cause problem's. However do you understand, That I'm not even sure of my own Real Name..... ? How bizarre would that be for YOU? I have history from my mother's side, and my 'hitler-dad' seem's to have lost me in a paperwork-game. In other-word's : I was a 'Kept-girl'. totally forgotten and invisible.....
My 21 year old mother was married off, in a forced marriage, to her uncle 24 year's older than her.
My Childhood of HELL, began from that point forward till I ran away from home at 16.....
However, My childhood memories, are often beautiful, because of the different people who took
Me as a child into their home......
8 years old and I found a farm, after running away from home...... That would be the 'stuff' movie's are made of..... till the police caught me and returned me to my parent's. I managed to stay free for 2 months, and it was the best part of my childhood. AGE 8 I want so badly to write about that farm and family right now, but.......... it is such a LONG STORY.
I am '
that baby' that was lost, somewhere, and has No idea, how she arrived, where she is..........
( It was a habit of mine to 'Run AWAY', back then....) I learned by age 8 to HIDE and built hide-out's in the forest's, because my childhood was unfortunately spent in pure misery and the possibility of my father murdering me,
any day was REAL. His education came from Hitler, and was a forced member of the Hitler Youth group. It brain damaged him so badly. Myself, being an illegitimate child, became the object of his hate and rage. I was not pure blood, and he made very sure........ to abuse me in every way, every day because I was much more pretty than his 'REAL-daughter' with my mother. It totally made him especially cruel to me..... My value was garbage in my father's eye's, so he became sadistic. I seriously would RUN away for every holiday and birthday, because I KNEW, I was going to get HURT VERY BADLY by him.
I need to stop writing for now.... I had hoped I could write about some of the good thing's that happened when I was a child.
I find myself Crying right now, uncontrollably just saying I was Bourn....
That's not what the opening poster asked for. but it is a reality in life.
I need to cry for a while and think about it....
Typing when blinded with tear's, is never good for me to do.
I was Daddies little girl...... and This was NOT a Good THING. It did set the course of my LIFE, in a unusual way.
I went to university, became a teacher in childhood development and managment, met a beautiful man and had 2 Son's who I raised AND, am totally proud of. My husband died early too, when our son's were 6 and 8......... It shattered ME into a billion pieces. A single mother trying to make her son's live's, GLORIOUS and stable....... OMG........ They lost their father.. and I had to adapt to my babie's need's.
"The FARM" at age 8, that I found , turned into the most educational experience any child could ever be "Blessed" with.
The family gave me 'Duckling's, to care for and discover what Love was................ It changed my life.
One egg a day, was my required rent. I sat next to the duck pond every day, and felt peace, and for the first time in my life, I wasn't AFRAID of being Killed. I was kicking screaming and biting the police officer's begging to be taken to Jail.....
Just Please don't send me Home....... but they did anyway's. Social behavior was very different when I was a Child compared to how it is today. As a child I wasn't even allowed to go to school by my father...... but my mother, smuggled me BOOKS into my 'dungeon cell' every chance she got. God blesses, her heart.
[ Just a snap-shot of life, 1978- in America ]
This statement is not even an opinion....... It was my childhood-life as one of the LAST victims of Hitler's " final solution.".
I survived and have went on to guide thousand's of young people to greatness.
All by the accident of my conception, and birth. My mother was Perfectly FREE to Kill me in an abortion.
Maybe she should have Given me 'MERCY', but she didn't........
Instead, she made me see what life IS......
The toughest test of morality and honor, and PURE LOVE........ My mother allowed me to live, at very great risk to herself........
I Honor Her, with this POST..... My childhood began with HER, Level 1. Somehow she let me live long enough that I could escape..... My mother knew exactly where I was, at the "farm"..... The owner's of the farm made me call my mother to tell her where I was AT...... They did NOTHING illegal to me, and in fact were the only family who took in a dirty RAG of a child and didn't ask question's...... They instead asked me to care for the Duck's in the pond.............. OMG I loved that 'farm' and family. I consider them as more important in my LIFE than my own sister. I will have absolutely NOTHING to do with any DNA matched family member, to this DAY. [for very obvious reason's.]
I was the child, who should have been KILLED by my uncle/father. [ even my sister wanted me dead by her age of 7. Hate is a 'Taught Behavior' ] I have endured HATE, so personally, that nothing surprises me anymore.
My mother was just not willing to tell her husband where I was, and suffered greatly, for protecting me long enough for me to collect a few, Duck egg's and learn to love all of God's creatures.... It's very difficult to be a pretty blond child..... The police eventually found me, and my 'hell' was made worse....... I began to FIGHT for FREEDOM from the moment I was taken back to HELL as an 8 year old girl, who lost her Duckling's....... It was not a pretty sight. It took me 8 more year's and a car, and money to finally ESCAPE for GOOD. Being a babysitter.... making money, as far away from my parent's home as possible.
My services became such a high demand item, I rarely had to go to the family home, after that.
My mother, made that possible. She knew.. to save me, was going to require FREEDOM. So She picked out, who's families, I was allowed to babysit , 'for'.
Only Parent's with children who got so drunk at bar's, that couldn't drive me home, so I could sleep on the floor, or with the children I cared for..... My mother did everything she could to allow me to NOT be around her husband. She served me well as a mother. No doubt about that..... but my heart breaks every-time I see evil........... I just wish I could have been her daughter, and not her husbands, play TOY.
I do find it an overwhelming sensation. I cry every day.
I promise, a Happy story later....... Not, just a happy ending........
Don't ask for what your not willing to read......... Not every childhood is perfect.
I don't even know the name of the town I grew up in....... but I could describe it in TOTAL detail......
Wild Foxes, would sit at my feet..... Butterflies would land on my finger's. and eventually I began teaching a new generation.
God blessed me with angel's, in my life. That is all I know about my childhood...... My innocence was beautiful, and there is Million's of Photo's of it...... Still, I hope my father's house burn's DOWN to ashes.
No child should be forced to live like I had too......
I find myself often wondering what life would have been like, being a child who was loved?
How would have I been changed and grown?
16.03.2018 19:02:55