So I'm not alone Needing my Teddy Bear....
it isn't a bear, but a doll. A silly hand made doll of Yarn. Ugly as hell.... but I say that just because I'm a Bitch..... I love that HAND- Made Piece of shit 'like' GOLD. My mother made it, to STOP her baby from CRYING over her 'Kidnapped' TEDDY BEAR. A mother DID that FOR ME. I learned to be GRATEFUL
30+ Year's later, I WANT to FIND my 'Teddy-Bear.' Who STOLE IT?
This is a mystery I want to solve, Who Kidnaps a child's doll?
My suspect is my adoptive father....... He loved to molest me, and loved hurting me emotionally too...........
He used to kill my pet's, so a teddy bear, might have been his fist victim..... .
[bursting into tear's]
I didn't have a childhood... I had dolls....... I literally had a life in a closet or wilderness, with only DOLLS to play with, to not suffer PAIN.
This was my Childhood............ My Doll was my ONLY Friend.
Can you even imagine what it is to be a ' Kept-Girl '. ?
My Doll's, my mother would give me were my captive player's in my IMAGINATION. She made me clothes by hand, and I admit I was very 'evil 'when she gave me a doll that was not mine............. I HAD nothing else, Naked,photographed, and neglected as a child.
Evil, but a doll held my hand through it all... I wish I understood her gift at the time........... She was a 'Kept' woman too" She knew exactly what her baby was experiencing.
[ bursting into tear's ]
No human Cared for, Me as a baby. My doll was My first friend. I often wished my mother Aborted Me. My first suicidal thoughts came to me when I was just 5 year's old.......... My child-hood was this BAD. I dreamed about being Kidnapped by a stranger, because how could my childhood be any worse than death at home, by my father's brutal hand's.... I escaped at 16 year's old and never looked back........ Returning only once in 30 year's, for my mother's funeral.
I'm being tame right now. Forgiveness is a virtue. I went totally 'MENTAL' the moment I didn't hold a doll.
Karma, allows me to......... Have Children....... I became HUMAN.... Holding my doll's made me Respect my 'issues', and beautiful baby boys. I became a mother, because I had a doll. My children were going to be Respected.... I lived long enough to MAKE it Possible.
One DOLL. made two real men, and now I'm a Grandmother to 2 more males.
.
More men who will never be like my father,,,,,
My little Teddy Bear was a hero to my Children....... Thank GOD.
I never learned to Love people as a child...... I only had silent doll's, and dream's, and an imagination......
My husband saved my body and soul, but my doll's were all I ever knew that took care of the small and helpless child I once was made to be......
That husband of mine, had a serious job, to 'fix' me.......... His Doll, he found value in having all to himself. Jackie is now my Doll. Her Children, are my doll's. Everything I dreamed for my doll's, is now true for me. I learned to love, because I had dolls. Playing with dolls really was a survival skill for me..
